How to get people to yell at you.


A part of this whole thing is about finding balance. It is something I struggle with on a regular basis. So so so regular. I’m struggling with it right now. I’m not talking about actual physical balance. I’m talking about balanced food ingesting. Some people like to call it “eating”. Not only do I have the not-so-fun task of finding new meals to serve my family and I; but I have to find snacks, too!

When going low carb I was constantly snacking. I was never not hungry. It was usually pepperoni and cheese. And even though I love both of those things, I am so tired of them. I moved on to boiled eggs for a while but I grew tired of those as well. Also, I’m not very good at peeling them. There’s an art to that crap and I’m not grasping it. Anyway, I digress.

My 12-year-old has a weird obsession with avocados. She loves them. LOVES them. When the store accidentally added 8 avacados – instead of four – it was like Christmas for this kid. Come to think of it I’ll probably end up giving her some avacados for Christmas.

She asked if she could crack one open and I told her to go ahead. We have to eat them before they go bad. She asked me if I wanted avocado toast. I didn’t not want avocado toast. So I said sure.

So after mushing this avocado she added just the smallest bit of mayo. Such a small amount.

Y’all! That toast was OFF THE CHAIN!!! It was so good! I was very surprised!

I have a person who I’ve recently been asking for nutritional guidance (His services are available, BTW). I’d found adding feta to the avocado toast is heavenly and shared a picture of it with him. I thought he’d be pleased that I’d made such a great decision for a snack and perhaps shower me with hundred-dollar bills.

He didn’t though. I think he may have had a tiny panic attack. Apparently you aren’t supposed to mix your fatty foods with your carbs. This made my heart incredibly sad. It sank to the bottom of the universe. It’s still there. If you’re at the bottom of the universe please find my heart and tell it that we will find a way to get through this.

I’d decided to spread the avocado on iceberg lettuce and then add the feta. It was good! It isn’t as good as the toast but it’s good enough that I can be happy with the substitution and the Wandering Guru can keep himself from yelling at me. Probably not, though. I’ll find another way make him mad.


That’s all the free advice I’m going to show you. In all seriousness, though, he’s a great guy and a great person to have on your side.

I’m going to post food pictures now because that’s what the internet does.

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